Yes, parents really do have a ‘favorite’ child. Study reveals how to tell if it’s you

SALT LAKE CITY — Ever wondered if your parents really did have a favorite child? That nagging suspicion might not be all in your head. A study analyzing data from over 19,400 participants concludes that parents do indeed treat their children differently, and the way they choose their “favorites” is more systematic than you might think.

“For decades, researchers have known that differential treatment from parents can have lasting consequences for children,” said lead author Alexander Jensen, PhD, an associate professor at Brigham Young University, in a statement. “This study helps us understand which children are more likely to be on the receiving end of favoritism, which can be both positive and negative.”

So what makes a child more likely to receive the coveted “favorite” status? The research team discovered several fascinating patterns. First, contrary to what many might expect, both mothers and fathers tend to favor daughters. Children who demonstrate responsibility and organization in their daily lives, from completing homework on time to keeping their rooms tidy, also typically receive more favorable treatment from their parents.

The study, published in Psychological Bulletin, examined five key areas of parent-child interaction: overall treatment, positive interactions (such as displays of affection or praise), negative interactions (like conflicts or criticism), resource allocation (including time spent with each child and material resources), and behavioral control (rules and expectations).

Birth order influences how parents interact with their children, particularly regarding independence and rules. Parents tend to grant older siblings more autonomy, such as later curfews or more decision-making freedom. However, the researchers note this may reflect appropriate developmental adjustments rather than favoritism.

Personality characteristics emerged as significant predictors of parental treatment. Children who demonstrate conscientiousness — showing responsibility through behaviors like completing chores without reminders or planning ahead for school assignments – typically experience more positive interactions and fewer conflicts with parents.

Similarly, agreeable children who show cooperation and consideration in family life often receive more positive parental responses.

One particularly noteworthy finding involves the disconnect between parents’ and children’s perceptions. While parents acknowledged treating daughters more favorably, children themselves didn’t report noticing significant gender-based differences in treatment. This suggests that some aspects of parental favoritism operate so subtly that children may not consciously recognize them.

Research has shown that children who receive less favorable treatment may face increased challenges with mental health and family relationships. “Understanding these nuances can help parents and clinicians recognize potentially damaging family patterns,” Jensen explained. “It is crucial to ensure all children feel loved and supported.”

The researchers emphasize that their findings show correlation rather than causation. “It is important to note that this research is correlational, so it doesn’t tell us why parents favor certain children,” Jensen said. “However, it does highlight potential areas where parents may need to be more mindful of their interactions with their children.”

For families navigating these dynamics, Jensen offers this perspective: “The next time you’re left wondering whether your sibling is the golden child, remember there is likely more going on behind the scenes than just a preference for the eldest or youngest. It might be about responsibility, temperament or just how easy or hard you are to deal with.”