Just 1 in 3 feel comfortable pooping, passing gas in front of their partner

A tale of two toilets: Eye-opening U.S. and U.K. hygiene habits revealed

LONDON — In a study that boldly goes where few surveys have gone before, researchers have mapped out the bathroom behaviors of Americans and Brits. The findings reveals that while the two nations may be divided by a common language, they’re united by a shared discomfort about pooping in public — though some are clearly more bothered than others.

The survey, conducted by British bathroom specialist QS Supplies, reveals some eye-opening statistics about our most private moments. Take, for instance, the great public restroom hunt: a whopping 57% of Brits report struggling to find public facilities when nature calls, compared to just 39% of Americans. One can only imagine the number of awkward dances and desperate sprints this disparity has caused across British cities.

When it comes to relationship dynamics, Americans appear to be leading the charge in bathroom boundary dissolution. A brave 32% report feeling completely comfortable both pooping and passing gas in front of their significant others, while only 28% of Brits are willing to cross that particular Rubicon. It seems the special relationship hasn’t quite extended to special bathroom moments.

But before Americans get too smug about their apparently more relaxed attitude, here’s a disturbing revelation: 8% of Americans admitted to not washing their posterior regularly. This confession might explain why both nations are remarkably aligned on dating dealbreakers: 85% of Brits and 82% of Americans consider poor post-bathroom hygiene an absolute no-go. Love, it seems, does not conquer all.

The phenomenon of “poop shyness” presents another fascinating cultural snapshot. British women lead the pack in public restroom anxiety, with 66% reporting discomfort compared to 40% of their male counterparts. American women follow at 58%, with American men at 46%. Perhaps this explains the popularity of bathroom attendants in upscale venues — though they might be adding to the anxiety rather than alleviating it.

Speaking of anxiety-inducing statistics, approximately one in 20 respondents from both countries confessed to having defecated in the shower. This remarkably consistent cross-cultural behavior raises some interesting questions about international plumbing standards and morning routine efficiency. More surprising still, no British women admitted to this practice, while 5% of American women and 6-8% of men from both nations owned up to it.

The generational divide adds another layer to this porcelain portrait. Gen X and Gen Z Brits tie for the most public restroom anxiety at 66%, while American millennials lead their national anxiety rankings at 51%. Baby boomers on both sides of the pond generally report lower levels of bathroom-related stress, perhaps having reached the age where there are more important things to worry about.

In the realm of bathroom modernization, there’s a clear transatlantic divide on the bidet question. Americans show stronger support for adding bidets to public facilities, with 61% of men and 48% of women in favor. The Brits are more hesitant, with only 47% of men and 43% of women backing the idea. Though given the British struggle to find any public facilities at all, perhaps bidet preferences are the least of their concerns.

The survey ventured into controversial territory with the question of food and drinks in the bathroom. While only 8% of Brits consider this acceptable, 13% of Americans are apparently comfortable turning their bathroom into a dining room. British millennials emerge as their nation’s most adventurous group in this regard at 10%, though that’s still far from a ringing endorsement of bathroom snacking.

Perhaps most reassuring is the near-identical approach to basic hygiene across both nations. About 86-87% of women and 74% of men in both countries follow the recommended front-to-back wiping method. Though the discovery that 1% of respondents from each country believe wiping isn’t always necessary might make you think twice about international handshaking protocols.

Whether these findings reflect cultural differences, infrastructure gaps, or simply varying levels of bathroom-related candor, one thing is clear: when it comes to bathroom habits, neither nation can claim the moral high ground – though they might want to focus on the hygienic one.